The Tragic Loss of Real Masculinity

The Tragic Loss of Real Masculinity

Our culture has completely lost what it means to be a man. What was once a proud and accomplished status now lies discarded in the dirt. Boys have taken over our country. They have normalized non-manhood, brought themselves and their immaturity into popularity, and they continue to reject the true calling to manhood.

This travesty has destroyed many pieces of our culture. Quality of relationship has decreased massively over the past fifty years, punctuated by increases in divorce and abortion.

What needs to be done? How can we, as Christians, aggressively attack and destroy what our culture portrays as “manhood”, and show the way to creating true, real men?

It all starts with our boys.

Earlier this morning, I was scrolling through my Instagram feed (a highly uncommon occurrence) and found this screenshot.

Toxic masculinity isn't the problem

While the feminists may write me hate letters, claiming that a mother is the only parent a child needs, something must be said about this: fathers are crucial to the parenting stage.

About six years ago, my father was invited to guest speak on Moody Radio (I’ve told this story before). While speaking, he was confronted by a highly-aggressive woman, and the conversation went something like this.

The woman: “I’ve raised my two boys without a single bit of help from their father, a man that walked out on us. One of my boys is a doctor, and the other is a lawyer. They never needed their father, and I never needed my husband.”

My dad: “I’m not going to discount the importance of a mother, ma’am, but let me ask you this: would you tell me, right now, that you’d rather have a single kidney, instead of two fully-functioning kidneys?”

*The woman pauses*

The woman: “What are you insinuating?”

My dad: “Merely that, while a mother is necessary, and a family can function under a single parent, both parents are necessary to complete the journey of shepherding a child’s heart.

For the rest of my dad’s conversation, click here.

In his hit book “The Resolution for Men“, Randy Alcorn presents this issue perfectly.

“When a father disconnects, leaves, or dies too soon, so does a part of his child’s heart. At the point a child gets detached from his or her father, it creates a massive vacuum of unmet needs in all the key areas for which the father is responsible.

The research is staggering. Prisoners, drug users, dropouts, runaways, and rapists all share something in common. The overwhelming majority of them come from homes without a father. Fatherless homes produce more than half of all youth suicides, as well as the majority of kids with behavior disorders. Kids are twenty times more likely to end up in prison if their dad is not involved in their lives.

“Prisoners, drug users, dropouts, runaways, and rapists all share something in common. The overwhelming majority of them come from homes without a father.” -Randy Alcorn

Fatherlessness also affects kids’ physical health. Those living without their dads have a much higher rate of asthma, headaches, anxiety, depression, and behavior problems. They are significantly more likely to use drugs and become suicidal.”

Why is this? Why are these statistics so staggering? And, moreover, if we take these statistics as serious (which we should), why are 50% of boys receiving 100% feminine influence in the home and 80% feminine influence at school?

Now, please don’t get me wrong: There is nothing inherently wrong with feminine influence. Mothers are so important, it cannot be understated. Yet, at the same time, the father figure is a role model to all children, regardless of gender, because of his role in the family. He protects, he takes responsibility, he loves unconditionally, and he provides a firm foundation upon which children can stand and grow.

While both roles are crucial and necessary to the family, equally important in different aspects, the loss of a father hits harder than the loss of a mother.

Many women will disagree with this point, fighting tooth and nail to disprove statistics. But, having spent more than a decade and a half around fatherless children, I have seen the affect such a loss has on children. My Ugandan brothers and sisters echo this cry, further reinforcing in my mind and in minds of others exactly how painful it is to lose a father.

Within this discussion, the only voices that matter are from the people who have lost a parent. I have friends who have lost their mothers and other friends that have lost their fathers. While the loss of the former proves painful, shocking, and life-changing, the loss of a father has massive consequences.

The loss of a father does not, however, come from any fault of the mother or children. In almost every case outside of death, the loss of a father stems from a lack of true masculinity. True, Godly men do not walk out on their children for any reason because doing so goes completely against God’s plan for the family.

A lack of masculinity stems from the same place: a lack of masculinity. Since weak fathers create weak men, who grow up to be weak fathers, we find ourselves in an endless cycle that has existed since Adam failed at the Fall. A bad father negatively impacts his children, who grow up with an incorrect view of true fatherhood based on their past experiences. As a result of this view, they often parent in the way they were parented, or, as a result of the trauma inflicted upon them as children, they parent in a manner completely opposite to the way they grew up, deciding to reject their father and everything he stood for.

A lack of masculinity stems from the same place: a lack of masculinity. Since weak fathers create weak men, who grow up to be weak fathers, we find ourselves in an endless cycle that has existed since Adam failed at the Fall.

But then in steps Jesus.

The breaker of cycles, creator of men, and destroyer of sin removes this problem, creating real, Godly parents (like mine) who inspire their children to grow up under God as real, mature men and women.

Two Godly parents, united under holy, blessed matrimony, will not walk out on their children. They remain together and defeat the statistics, raising children that have two united parents to look up to. The boys have a father as a role model in leadership and manhood, and a mother to show them what to look for in a wife. The girls have two role models; a father who will lead them and show them what their husbands should look like, and a mother to shape and guide their feminine character.

Jesus is the only answer. If we, as both a culture and race, want to see an increase in good families, we have to allow Jesus to confront our view of manhood.

While culture tells men to be passive, Jesus actively works for the good of His father and kingdom.

While culture tells us to be lazy, Jesus shows us what it means to work.

While culture tells us to shirk responsibility, Jesus reminds us that He took responsibility for the whole world.

While culture tells us to take what we want, Jesus blesses those around Him.

While our culture tells us to pursue leadership for the sake of power, Jesus tells us to lead and be led.

Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. Men do not exist outside of Him, and neither do true, Godly women. If we continue to trust Him to guide and lead us, He will shape us into beautiful men and women of God.

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Related post: John Grisham’s Guide to the Depravity of Man

21 thoughts on “The Tragic Loss of Real Masculinity

  1. Ella Smalley

    I totally agree, this world desperately needs strong men, to bring back the strong, together family. Just as nothing can replace our need for our Heavenly Father, a good dad is also irreplaceable. Thanks so much for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: Five Important Tips for Young Bloggers – Elisha McFarland

  3. Jasmine Rose ♡

    This is so true! Fatherless fathers are so common and from experience, it really does affect both genders. It’s unfortunate! 😔
    I agree that Fathers are the most missed member of the family when absent, as they are supposed to be the examples.
    – Jasmine 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Miyu McFadden

    I agree wholeheartedly with this post. An awesome book that addresses this issue, if you haven’t already read it, is The War On Boys by Christina Hoff Sommers. I haven’t gotten very far in it as of yet, but just from the first chapter there’s so much good info and a ton of research has gone into it.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Social constructs whether is be based on traditions, organizations, and hobbies help support the family unit. Church is a great construct to support a family, as it provides structure, belief and community. But it’s doesn’t have to be the end all, be all, as there are many successful families absent of organized religion.

    Mentorship and clear rites of passage are either absent and/or unclear in our culture. Mentoring used to occur by spending time with the elders of a tribe, or community. This is no longer the case. Much of this time is now spent in isolation on the phone. Building identity, skills, and meeting set milestones is less common.

    Whether it be through a church, organization, or family unit, boys need to have mentors of both genders in their lives in multiple settings.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I (surprisingly) agree. Thank you for mentioning this! That’s actually a very good point. While there are exceptions, I (as a Christian) will, of course, say that the Church must be the focal point to the family unit, but you ARE correct. Thanks for commenting!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Petrina

    Fatherlessness is an epidemic and we see the manifestations of that in this broken, dysfunctional society. Although women have been able to manage raising sons after being abandoned by their son’s father, it is not ideal and it is not most effective.

    This does not discredit single mothers at all. In certain communities and demographics, the fatherlessness epidemic is compounded. Men often are not raised properly by their own fathers and they father sons improperly and the cycle repeats over and over again.

    Girls are often not raised to value themselves and be a lot more selective about men, because they are not properly warned and equipped with knowledge on how to deal with men. They commonly are uninformed about the issues men will bring, due to the fact that boys are often not bred and trained properly at home.

    Too many fathers are too preoccupied with their sons excelling at sports. They don’t model and instruct their boys on how to value women and have healthy relationships. Other fathers aren’t even around.

    We need to come back to God’s way of doing things. It is the only way that works. Men should not cower from their responsibility, but should submit to and press into Jesus Christ to get strength in order to be all that God has called them to be.

    Women need to do the same, and stop settling for less, procreating with and marrying overgrown boys who never have evolved into men. The cycle must be broken.

    Liked by 2 people

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