The Ultimate Insult


Today I was reminded of a very humorous story. Now, living in Africa, I have many of these stories, but this is one of my favorites.

On a hot, mid-October afternoon, my family and I were taking a boat tour of Murchison falls. In order to reach the falls, we had to take the boat about 30 minutes up-river. My entire family and I sat in the boat, chatting, and drinking the complimentary water. On a dare from my brother, I drank a full 900 mLs of water; so much water, in fact, that my stomach felt bloated.

Upon reaching the falls, my family and I spent some time taking pictures, hanging out, and admiring the pretty view. After about 15 minutes, the tour guide announced it was time to head back to the hotel. We got back into the boat, but as we did, I noticed (unsurprisingly) that my bladder seemed quite full. I decided to hold it for as long as I could, hoping to make it back to the hotel. This plan did not work, however, as my bladder continued to fill.

Finally, I announced my pressing need to our tour guide. He grinned knowingly and stated that if I really needed to go, I could do my business off the back of the boat. Sadly, I need some peace, and the back of a vibrating, moving boat is a rather difficult thing to urinate from. After a few pitiful tries, I told the tour guide that we should probably stop. He nodded, and slowed the boat to a crawl, searching for a place on the bank that we could stop and wait. After a few minutes, we stopped, but I had to go so bad I didn’t even step off the boat. I simply did my business off the side of the boat and into the water.

Looking back, I realize that was probably not the best idea, but it seemed appropriate at the time. Well, after doing my business, I looked down into the water. There, to my horror, I saw a fully grown, adult crocodile floating in the water. I had just urinated on a crocodile. To this day, I am thankful that the crocodile did not notice this grave insult but merely continued to sleep. Personally, if I had been the crocodile, I would have tried to exact revenge upon the guilty party, but it (thankfully) did not.

The moral of the story-Don’t drink water on a dare, and watch where you urinate.

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11 thoughts on “The Ultimate Insult

  1. gyrados199

    Lol this was actually true. I was there, and after Elisha went, I also went. Haha it is hilarious to consider the fact that the croc could easily have killed us all. Nice story Lish!


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